It is the eve of the opening weekend of the English domestic cricket season, and everyone is tingling at the prospect of scoring their first run or taking their first wicket. Many clubs are only involved in warm up games at this stage, and according to the Kent skipper, Rob Key, we should all hence forth be aware that standard cricket rules do not apply for such games.

Key was snapped by a freelance photographer in Kent’s warm up game against Notts this week, liberally applying a piece of sandpaper to the ball in an attempt to get the ball to reverse swing. Key said:

“My conscience is clear. I won’t be going out and scratching the ball the way I have in this game in a first-class match but these games are used for practice and are a good opportunity to see where people are… Maybe I’ve been a bit naive but it didn’t really occur to me that this might develop into a match-fixing scandal.”

No Bob it just didn’t occur to you that you might get caught at a low key, pre-season friendly, where there would be little media coverage, and now your chubby rosy cheeks have been left redder than normal.

Key is a role model - or is that a roly-model. So does that mean we can all now turn up with a DIY store in our pockets to help us get reverse swing? A trip to B&Q will become as necessary as a petrol stop for convoys of club cricketers on route to the ground on Saturday mornings.

Also completely un-related, but why do the England selectors continue to ignore Owais Shah? I saw him play his debut in Mumbai, and he was the best England batsman on show that day, and by far and away the best player of the turning ball. John Emburey, Shah’s coach at Middlesex, claimed that “his face didn’t fit” with the England set up.

If anyone, preferably the England selectors, could explain to me why he continues to be ignored, and what Embers meant by his comment we would be extremely grateful. Maybe he should start carrying sandpaper in his pocket.