As Steve Harmison walked back to his mark following that already infamous first ball of the 2006/07 Ashes series, he was probably wishing he could join his mentally frail kindred spirit Marcus Trescothick on the plane back to Blighty. They could have shared an iPod and listened to a bit of Radiohead:

‘Where do we go from here?
The ball’s are coming out all weird
Where are you now when I need you?
Alone on an aeroplane
Falling asleep against the window pane
My blood will THICKEN’.

If only their blood had thickened. Only to late did the England boys realise the force at and determination with which Australia were going to come at them. Their preparation was insufficient, and no matter what any of Team England say, their preparation has left them off the pace.

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This is the scoop they all wanted. What really goes on behind the closed doors of Team England on an Ashes Tour. With the help of new extra sensory recording equipment we can bring you exclusive footage of Duncan Fletcher’s megalomania, Peter Gregory’s incompetence and the reasons why no one ever truly knows whats going on inside the ‘Team England bubble’!

To download our first foray into the world of cricketing satire with our Ashes Podcast.

Written by Fergie & Performed by AJ